So much going on...

I am struggling, in all sorts of ways. I'm a a crossroads in my life where I am trying to figure out where to go next. Where will my job take me if I stay where I am currently teaching? Will I become an administrator? Will I be able to do what I do now in another city? State? I'm also struggling financially - I have only been in a similar situation to where I am now when I was in college for my undergraduate degree. I thought it was bad then, but it's really bad now. Let's just say the cable bill was sliced (thank goodness I still have some reality tv to numb my  brain), the Internet will soon say goodbye (don't really need it except to play games, surf facebook, and check emails, which I can do at work), I also have found a cheaper apartment that I will soon tour to see if they are really for me (same sq. ft. as I have now, but 200 less per month).

Now for the fun stuff [insert sarcasm]: I have lost about 5 pounds in a little over a month. Sure, losing it slow is supposedly the way to go, but it isn't coming off fast enough for me! The up-side to this... a co-worker came up to me today to tell me that she has noticed that I'm losing weight. The dark side of my brain wants to think "is she saying this because she is noticing or because she knows I'm going nowhere fast and wants to make me feel better?"

Work just plain sucks. I have people coming at me from all angles to discuss things that I'm supposed to know the answers to, but don't. Who would always want to hear "I don't know, I'll look it up and get back to you" or "Here's how I would handle it, but you may want to hold off on answering until you get all of the information."

Gag.

Maybe I'm just a big pity pot of crap right now - to which I think we all go through. But can I ask why in the world it all seems to be happening at once?

And the one place I thought I could go this week to renew my spirit and trust in something higher than me - asked the entire church to empty their pockets in donation this week, and all I had was a quarter.

Communicate!

How hard is it really for people to communicate with one another?

I find myself asking this quite often, as we (myself and co-workers) get our panties in a wad because of issues that could be resolved if people would just express in a direct and respectful manner what's bothering them and see if offering up a solution would end the problem.

Not where I work.

Yes, I love my job. (I'm not lying). It does come with added stress, being a teacher, but I do genuinely love it. I really have a sick taste in my mouth for those who continue to come to work when all they do is complain. It drags others down with you and makes the day even longer than it should be. I will confess, I do complain and do express my complaints, but I do try (key word, try) to find the positive in the situation.

The same goes for communication in my personal life. I thought I was being honest in saying that I wanted to take a step back from the 10-day relationship I previously ended. I get a text today from said guy that says "R we speaking today?"

I didn't realize that when you break up with someone that you continue speaking to them; however, I have done this with guys who I was/am on good terms. Well, I responded with "Why are you being like that?" and he replied "Like what... i was just wondering how u felt about me today...lol"

Didn't I tell you this about 2 weeks ago? Do guys just not listen to anything you tell them? Or clean up after themselves? (found a beer bottle cap behind my post-its 2 weeks later, when there's a garbage can underneath my desk). Second confession, I did call him last Friday to see how he was doing... I need to stop doing that.

Maybe the man-cleaning thing is enough for a separate post...

My All Good Things moment for today: Taking Charley to get his toenails clipped and treating him to some goodies for being such a good travel buddy in the car. It's so nice not having to clean up after his messes, especially while driving.

Happy Smiles and Happy Heart

Whoa, has this week been crazy hectic and stupid but with a happy ending.

I don't like discussing work-related items via my personal life journey, but it's a piece, regardless of my feelings about it. Well, after much discussion, I got NOWHERE with my superiors in fixing the mess we call a schedule. My hands are tied and my bosses aren't doing anything illegal, so there isn't any reason (according to them) to fix something they don't see is entirely broken. LAME.

I've also been dealing with a dog that wakes up and pisses alllllll over the place. This morning I woke up, got him out of his crate, filled his water dish and food bowl, put shoes on and realized he was peeing on the tile floor by the door. Sure, at least it was on the tile, but come on! I guess leaving the water bowl out at night is not a good idea anymore - who knew 3 years later it'd become a problem.

The now ex-bf and I are semi-talking, but it's more on a level of trying to understand one another. I think that's a large part/reason of why things went wrong. Granted, we technically dated for 10 whopping days... who knows. Maybe something will come out of it, maybe it won't. I am not holding my breath.

I have the best friends in the world. Friends who support me, help me in discussing things and friends who laugh with me about eating insects and stepping in cat puke. (don't ask).

To top off the whole week, I talked to my dad and he surprised me by buying me a plane ticket home. I've been wanting to go home so so bad and haven't been in 2 years. I really need some family time, hugs, and quality time with people I miss so dearly. The only semi-downer: I have to pack a weekend into a backpack.

Cheers to a great day!

Uncertainties

I feel like my life is full of uncertainties. Sure, we can't be 100% certain of what paths our lives will take, but the uncertainties are what make life interesting.

Case in point: receiving a text from new ex, stating that he feels like we made the right decision in not dating anymore, followed by another text stating he felt that the decision may have been a wrong one since we didn't give things enough time.

What did I say? Nothing. Nada. Zip. I kept my fingers from replying with a text, except to ask for my cd back.

In other areas of life, I feel like there are uncertainties with my happiness in my job. I wear a lot of hats. I do a lot of "extra" things, but it's primarily because I love what I do and I want others to take notice of those extra things. I know it won't earn me a raise or promotion, but it earns me small accolades with my superiors. One of my hats is in question, but only for me. I am the representative for a group of people who look to me to get items settled when members of the group are upset. This cuts down on the amount of people going to the boss and allows me to be a middleman of sorts. Well, I feel like I'm backed into a corner and I'm not sure how to get out of it without expressing some items to my boss that aren't appropriate. I know it isn't my place to express how people really feel, but it is my job to find a way to express it without losing my job or making the matter worse for all involved.

I'm in a pickle.

Thank goodness for long weekends and smoothies.

That Didn't Last Very Long...

I am a single lady again and I'm perfectly content with that. I had a long talk last night with some good friends before and after the chat with the now ex, and I was rushing into everything. We didn't know one another well enough to start exclusively dating 2 days after we met. I told him I felt I needed to take a step back and he said that he couldn't do that.

I'm not worried about that so much - he just has a CD and t-shirt I want back, but if that's what I have to lose out of a week long "relationship" then that's what I lose.

I'm semi-sad but glad things ended now and not 6 months down the road when we both could have had more feelings.

Back to the drawing board...

Things That Make Me Go HMMMM...

I just completed my weekly weigh in (which I wanted to do before church, but I slept in and now I'm running late for my other Sunday items), but felt the need to get this out of my mind. I've done what I'm supposed to do with eating better, drinking a gallon or more of water a day, trying not to drink anything else, and making sure I track my food. Well, this last week was a learning curve because I went back to work full-time with my students and needed to get into a routine so I wouldn't eat in front of hungry teens. Well, I lost 0.9 this week. I really felt like I would have lost more. My  mom tells me it's better to lose smaller amounts of weight to make sure it does stay off, so I'm going to keep that little nugget of information in the back of my mind.

I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't get up in time for church. You may think that I had time since I'm writing in this blog right now, but I really enjoy the 8am mass. I was just out too late last night with my new boyfriend at a bar watching the UFC fights and then playing video games to be able to wake up in time to get church-worthy and go. *sigh.

In other news, the Paris trip is coming up even faster than I thought it would. I've got to break out the travel guides again and figure out what to do in London and Paris while I'm not with the tour groups. Anyone have any ideas?

My All Good Things for this last week: Learning more about myself now that I'm sharing my time with another and getting a pedicure that cured the ailments of my toes.

Relationship Status

OH BOY. Oh boy...

My old college roomie came to visit this past weekend and we painted the town red! It was so nice to hang out with her, chat, make wonderful food, and be able to do whatever we wanted without a timeframe. What a perfect ending to our summer vacation.

I met a boy while eating out with my old roomie - he sat down next to me, asked if the seat was taken by someone else and then we ended up talking the night away. (Keep in mind, my roomie was talking with a much older gentleman to her right, and he was a sweetheart, so I wasn't ignoring her). We chatted with the much older gentleman most of the early evening, chatted with the owner of a vodka company (who makes a great vodka) and with the handsome man to my left.

Saturday's events turned into a lot of chatting on Sunday, and last night he came over for an impromptu spaghetti dinner. (YES, I cooked and didn't burn anything. Such a proud moment). We talked about all kinds of things, what we want in life, where we see ourselves in the next few years, played a friendly game of Battleship (I won!) and enjoyed each other's company. Too bad it was a school night...

We talked about dating and what we would like to see in our dating lives and decided to make it official and change our facebook status messages to show we are in a relationship... Scary, right? Not so much. I've got a calm and excited feeling about it. Not just because it's all in the new stages, but because it's out of the ordinary and I like that. I know people say you change as you get "older" and you make decisions now that you may not have made a few years prior. No way would I have thought that I would have had the privilege of meeting a guy at a restaurant/bar and would be facebook linked on Monday evening.

I guess I'm falling in love with myself more and more as the days go on...

In other news - first two days of school have been great so far. I'm a little concerned with the size of my classes, but it should level out soon. Please cross your fingers for me and our school. Sure, we love that we all have jobs but with an overcrowded problem and a mandated class size requirement, it's a little bit zoo-like.

I'm sure you're all guessing what my All Good Things moment of happiness is: You guessed it - just being happy with how everything has been falling together in an unpredictable yet wonderful way (along with dancing in my living room).

Absence

makes the heart grow fonder.

I've been a little absent from the blog-writing world, not by anything life-changing or disasterous. I've been spending a lot of time contemplating the choices I've made recently in my life, with my diet, and with the items I want to pursue for the future. It's tough. I'm not making decisions without thinking thoroughly, and have decided that I really want to work hard at not having to work hard. How to do that?

I haven't figured that out as of yet.

But, I am trying.

I went to a movie today, which is rare. Eat, Pray, Love was a good movie for me. It brought back memories and quotes and lovely items from the book by Elizabeth Gilbert. I will most likely pick this book back up and re-read all of the tagged pages, notes, stickies, etc., and relish in the simplistic nature Elizabeth has and her journey to find herself. I only wish I could afford to take a year off to travel the world...

My decision to go to church last week wasn't a fluke that will be forgotten or a passing event where I'll say that I'll go later. I have made the commitment to going each Sunday. I enjoyed last week's homily on recalculating and really took it to heart. I semi-prioritized what was important to me in accomplishing this week. Although I worked on my own time, I was able to get my classroom pretty much ready to go (minus some purchasing of some small things, but that involves money that I don't have, so it's going to wait). However, I do love the outcome of the room that I will be spending the next 180 days in.

I took the term recalculating to mean a lot of things, but it really hit home that I'm not making the things that really matter to me my top priority. I realize I can't do this all of the time, and that's perfectly ok. I know that starting weight watchers is a way for me to recalculate my weight and mindset to become healhier, both physically and emotionally.

So much has happened in the past week that I am taking it all in and allowing myself to go with the flow, recalculate when necessary, and enjoy the special moments.

Today's All the Good Things: Calling my grandma because I felt a pressing desire/need to hear her voice, being told I'm special, hearing her laugh and sing the hamster song, and telling her I love her. I didn't realize it was her birthday until after the call...although I felt bad about not wishing her a happy birthday, I believe she knows just how special she is. 

Recalculating

The term "recalculating" really hit home with me today. I went to a church near  my home that I've been eyeing for a while. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to be alone/go alone, but today I got up early, completed a morning workout and then went to the 8am mass.

The Pastor talked about the term, recalculating, in regard to a GPS and how we are aggravated when we hear that tinny voice say the word. Yet, we have to realize that recalculating our journey is something that can only make us stronger people, both in life, and in faith. Seemed to be a fitting sermon on a day I was recalculating my own journey.

I'm so glad I went.

Day 1 of WW

Yes, I did it. I joined Weight Watchers Online. I was fortunate enough to sign up when their sign-up fee was 1$ and couldn't pass that up. I broke even on what the fee would have been and bought a scale. I think this will be such a good start/reboot that I so desperately need. I want to be a more healthy woman and feel great in the clothes I wear (which I don't always).

So, to hold myself a little more accountable, I'm going to post my start weight and occasional marks as I go along. It'll be a struggle, but I'm hoping all of you readers will cheer me on (and I'll cheer you on too).

Starting weight: 157
Goal weight: 130

I don't want to be unrealistic, but I hope to have the weight off by the end of my three-month subscription. We shall see come November 7th!

I just have to keep telling myself  "I can (and will) do this."

Today's All the Good Things: Believing in myself and doing the right things to make myself happy.

Funk.

I have been in quite the funk for the past week or so. Nothing major, but nothing out of the ordinary. It's a toss between being excited for a new year to start, preparing for that first day of school, and not wanting to go back to work because I enjoy reading books and hanging out at home. I've also been working on the WFMAD that Laurie Halse Anderson does each August. She provides prompts each day and encourages people to write for 15 minutes a day, hence the WFMAD acronym.

I'm just the hardest critic on myself. I want to know what will happen next, if I'll move, and all sorts of life events. But...I'm not a psychic. I have to find a way to be happy with how things are, because I really don't have anything to complain about. I have a great trip to look forward to in December, a good friend will be visiting in a few weeks for a long weekend, and I'm healthy. I just need to get out of this funk.

OWL is working good. I'm eating healthy meals 4-5 times a day and I'm working out each day for an average of 30-45 minutes on the exercise bike and/or stair elliptical machine. My motivation mix helps determine how long I've worked out, which is a great kick in the rear to get my rear moving.

Today's All Good Things: Spending my time enjoying a great lunch, a  nap, and hanging out with Charley-dog.

Bad

I have been so blah lately and haven't had much to write about. It's been a stressful couple of days with work-related concerns and duties I must fulfill, even while on summer vacation. Makes it tough to stay away from work when you're one of those people who must remain in contact when/if things happen.


I've been semi-given an assignment from my boss. I was asking for her opinion on a class I have to teach (which I dreaded last year) and want to make it more meaningful this year. Well, since the curriculum they provided us is for the HEALTH department to teach (and I'm ELA), I thought a service learning approach would be more beneficial. I found a good resource book and my boss gave me a gift card to go purchase said book.


Now, what to do with this book that doesn't make me look like a suck up and people hate my lesson plans for this class that other teachers must also teach. Makes me go "hmmmmm." So, it's off to a coffee shop to plan stuff out.

In the meantime, I'm going purple! Each year I buy a bag and semi-matching accessories. {Cannot find a picture of the bag that will allow me to get it into this post... If you go to Target and look for the Merona Tote - Purple, that's what I purchased. Other two images courtesy of B&N.com}. Kinda lame, yes, but it keeps me organized.  Now I must find a purple pencil/pen pouch... and then I can start pulling lessons out of thin air. TGIF.