So much going on...

I am struggling, in all sorts of ways. I'm a a crossroads in my life where I am trying to figure out where to go next. Where will my job take me if I stay where I am currently teaching? Will I become an administrator? Will I be able to do what I do now in another city? State? I'm also struggling financially - I have only been in a similar situation to where I am now when I was in college for my undergraduate degree. I thought it was bad then, but it's really bad now. Let's just say the cable bill was sliced (thank goodness I still have some reality tv to numb my  brain), the Internet will soon say goodbye (don't really need it except to play games, surf facebook, and check emails, which I can do at work), I also have found a cheaper apartment that I will soon tour to see if they are really for me (same sq. ft. as I have now, but 200 less per month).

Now for the fun stuff [insert sarcasm]: I have lost about 5 pounds in a little over a month. Sure, losing it slow is supposedly the way to go, but it isn't coming off fast enough for me! The up-side to this... a co-worker came up to me today to tell me that she has noticed that I'm losing weight. The dark side of my brain wants to think "is she saying this because she is noticing or because she knows I'm going nowhere fast and wants to make me feel better?"

Work just plain sucks. I have people coming at me from all angles to discuss things that I'm supposed to know the answers to, but don't. Who would always want to hear "I don't know, I'll look it up and get back to you" or "Here's how I would handle it, but you may want to hold off on answering until you get all of the information."

Gag.

Maybe I'm just a big pity pot of crap right now - to which I think we all go through. But can I ask why in the world it all seems to be happening at once?

And the one place I thought I could go this week to renew my spirit and trust in something higher than me - asked the entire church to empty their pockets in donation this week, and all I had was a quarter.

Communicate!

How hard is it really for people to communicate with one another?

I find myself asking this quite often, as we (myself and co-workers) get our panties in a wad because of issues that could be resolved if people would just express in a direct and respectful manner what's bothering them and see if offering up a solution would end the problem.

Not where I work.

Yes, I love my job. (I'm not lying). It does come with added stress, being a teacher, but I do genuinely love it. I really have a sick taste in my mouth for those who continue to come to work when all they do is complain. It drags others down with you and makes the day even longer than it should be. I will confess, I do complain and do express my complaints, but I do try (key word, try) to find the positive in the situation.

The same goes for communication in my personal life. I thought I was being honest in saying that I wanted to take a step back from the 10-day relationship I previously ended. I get a text today from said guy that says "R we speaking today?"

I didn't realize that when you break up with someone that you continue speaking to them; however, I have done this with guys who I was/am on good terms. Well, I responded with "Why are you being like that?" and he replied "Like what... i was just wondering how u felt about me today...lol"

Didn't I tell you this about 2 weeks ago? Do guys just not listen to anything you tell them? Or clean up after themselves? (found a beer bottle cap behind my post-its 2 weeks later, when there's a garbage can underneath my desk). Second confession, I did call him last Friday to see how he was doing... I need to stop doing that.

Maybe the man-cleaning thing is enough for a separate post...

My All Good Things moment for today: Taking Charley to get his toenails clipped and treating him to some goodies for being such a good travel buddy in the car. It's so nice not having to clean up after his messes, especially while driving.

Happy Smiles and Happy Heart

Whoa, has this week been crazy hectic and stupid but with a happy ending.

I don't like discussing work-related items via my personal life journey, but it's a piece, regardless of my feelings about it. Well, after much discussion, I got NOWHERE with my superiors in fixing the mess we call a schedule. My hands are tied and my bosses aren't doing anything illegal, so there isn't any reason (according to them) to fix something they don't see is entirely broken. LAME.

I've also been dealing with a dog that wakes up and pisses alllllll over the place. This morning I woke up, got him out of his crate, filled his water dish and food bowl, put shoes on and realized he was peeing on the tile floor by the door. Sure, at least it was on the tile, but come on! I guess leaving the water bowl out at night is not a good idea anymore - who knew 3 years later it'd become a problem.

The now ex-bf and I are semi-talking, but it's more on a level of trying to understand one another. I think that's a large part/reason of why things went wrong. Granted, we technically dated for 10 whopping days... who knows. Maybe something will come out of it, maybe it won't. I am not holding my breath.

I have the best friends in the world. Friends who support me, help me in discussing things and friends who laugh with me about eating insects and stepping in cat puke. (don't ask).

To top off the whole week, I talked to my dad and he surprised me by buying me a plane ticket home. I've been wanting to go home so so bad and haven't been in 2 years. I really need some family time, hugs, and quality time with people I miss so dearly. The only semi-downer: I have to pack a weekend into a backpack.

Cheers to a great day!

Uncertainties

I feel like my life is full of uncertainties. Sure, we can't be 100% certain of what paths our lives will take, but the uncertainties are what make life interesting.

Case in point: receiving a text from new ex, stating that he feels like we made the right decision in not dating anymore, followed by another text stating he felt that the decision may have been a wrong one since we didn't give things enough time.

What did I say? Nothing. Nada. Zip. I kept my fingers from replying with a text, except to ask for my cd back.

In other areas of life, I feel like there are uncertainties with my happiness in my job. I wear a lot of hats. I do a lot of "extra" things, but it's primarily because I love what I do and I want others to take notice of those extra things. I know it won't earn me a raise or promotion, but it earns me small accolades with my superiors. One of my hats is in question, but only for me. I am the representative for a group of people who look to me to get items settled when members of the group are upset. This cuts down on the amount of people going to the boss and allows me to be a middleman of sorts. Well, I feel like I'm backed into a corner and I'm not sure how to get out of it without expressing some items to my boss that aren't appropriate. I know it isn't my place to express how people really feel, but it is my job to find a way to express it without losing my job or making the matter worse for all involved.

I'm in a pickle.

Thank goodness for long weekends and smoothies.

That Didn't Last Very Long...

I am a single lady again and I'm perfectly content with that. I had a long talk last night with some good friends before and after the chat with the now ex, and I was rushing into everything. We didn't know one another well enough to start exclusively dating 2 days after we met. I told him I felt I needed to take a step back and he said that he couldn't do that.

I'm not worried about that so much - he just has a CD and t-shirt I want back, but if that's what I have to lose out of a week long "relationship" then that's what I lose.

I'm semi-sad but glad things ended now and not 6 months down the road when we both could have had more feelings.

Back to the drawing board...