Bad

I have been so blah lately and haven't had much to write about. It's been a stressful couple of days with work-related concerns and duties I must fulfill, even while on summer vacation. Makes it tough to stay away from work when you're one of those people who must remain in contact when/if things happen.


I've been semi-given an assignment from my boss. I was asking for her opinion on a class I have to teach (which I dreaded last year) and want to make it more meaningful this year. Well, since the curriculum they provided us is for the HEALTH department to teach (and I'm ELA), I thought a service learning approach would be more beneficial. I found a good resource book and my boss gave me a gift card to go purchase said book.


Now, what to do with this book that doesn't make me look like a suck up and people hate my lesson plans for this class that other teachers must also teach. Makes me go "hmmmmm." So, it's off to a coffee shop to plan stuff out.

In the meantime, I'm going purple! Each year I buy a bag and semi-matching accessories. {Cannot find a picture of the bag that will allow me to get it into this post... If you go to Target and look for the Merona Tote - Purple, that's what I purchased. Other two images courtesy of B&N.com}. Kinda lame, yes, but it keeps me organized.  Now I must find a purple pencil/pen pouch... and then I can start pulling lessons out of thin air. TGIF.

Traveling, Part 2

I told you I couldn't put the book down! Although I haven't finished it, I'm well on my way. The need for sleep got to me and falling asleep on the couch, sitting up, wasn't an option. ( I wrote this on day 2. I finished it the next morning over my english muffin and rice milk). This post isn't really themed or in any particular order - just some quotes I pulled out and had a desire to share.

"And because Mary possessed so much power as a female, it had to trickle down and empower women at least some, giving them new ways to see themselves." p. 96

Although the context of the first quote has nothing to do specifically with my experiences, I was very involved in reading the book and tying myself in, like I was one part Sue and one part Ann. I like to believe that females have power. Granted, I'm not a feminist by any means, but knowing I am strong and have power over myself, is all that matters.

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"Persephone never saw Hades coming. She was jerked out of her nice, sweet life and plunged into a dark underworld. On one level, she was abducted into her own depths, forced into a deep and painful confrontation with herself. Yet the time she spent in the underworld is precisely what transforms her from a naive, untested girl into a mature and conscious young woman. I reread the part of the myth in which Persephone eats the pomegranate seeds. Is that the moment she accepts the complexity of her experience and really takes it in? I wonder: instead of retrating and hiding, instead of pining for the way it was, what if I accept the way it is? This strikes me as both the most obvious thing in the world and the most profound."     p. 83

The question in purple is what "got" to me while reading. My entire life has been a mess of saying one thing and doing another, where I'm hiding from myself and from the outside world, but at the same time I'm putting on a show. There are days where I still do this. I wish I had things like they were back in K-12 years or in college when I had the opportunity to go out each Thursday night with some amazing girls. The list could go on - I do miss a lot of things, but I realize those things have shaped me into who I am now. I just need to accept things the way that they are, but have the strength to try to change them to suit my current needs - which is the difficult part.

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"...I read a poem by David Whyte with four lines that nearly stopped my heart:

You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

I question my interpretation of this, primarily because I can see the real and imaginary part of this quote. We only have one world, yet in this world there are mini-worlds or our expectations, families, careers, etc. I didn't give up my family world for my career, but I can see how others may see this, considering I live 1300 miles away (or more) from the majority of my family. I don't know what world I belong in - that's part of the journey I'm on with this blog. I'm not sure where to go from there...

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"Tonight, when I climb into bed in our hotel room, I will realize those lines are my "St. Michael" voice, spelling out my mission: find the world to which I belong." p. 153

Spirituality

Another quote from Traveling with Pomegranates:

"It's been easy to admit to myself recently that I need some new aspect within my spirituality, one that could take me into the next phase of my life. Uncovering this need has been like finding an empty room in the center of my house, one I didn't know was there, one I couldn't pass without feeling its vacuity and wondering how it should be filled." p. 47-8

I struggle with the idea of being spiritual and attending church. Growing up, my parents didn't force us (my brothers and I) to go to church for anything, unless it was a family wedding, baptism, etc. In fact, I was the only child to be baptized in my immediate family. I haven't ever asked my parents why my brothers weren't baptized, but I do wonder.

I am all for believing in a higher power. I believe prayer works. I also believe having the inner peace this spiritual feeling has is immense and joyous. I'm just not sure that church is the perfect* way to be a spiritual person. Hence, why I struggle.

*perfect is a term relative to my current life circumstances. I understand that not everyone feels or believes this, which is their right.

I went through the RCIA process a few years ago because I truly thought I'd marry R. The journey through RCIA is not something I'll forget, nor the people I met along the journey. I enjoyed the contemporary service geared toward the college students and the sense of purpose I felt in going to church each week (sometimes more than once a week). I've only been in a church a handful of times in the past few years, only for weddings. I'm not sure I really understand why I haven't been. It's certainly not because there aren't churches near where I live. I think it may have a sense of not feeling as though I belong. Realistically, I know that entering a church once doesn't mean I belong there, or that not entering and just showing up the first time means I'm a member, etc. I really think that I want to have the spirituality part of believing in higher powers, prayer, and some aspects of religion, I just don't want what I see as "extra" stuff. I don't sit and read the bible and meditate on passages or sing hymns and I don't know that I'd be 100% comfortable in a bible study. Maybe, I need to just suck it up and go so I can get off my half-horse and determine what it is that I feel I'm missing.

"Sending prayers into the universe. Are they heard? Can they change anything? Are our supplications a form of magical thinking? I don't know the answers...I wish to shape my needs into specific, well-considered words and offer them to my own particular image of the Loving Mystery, believing like a wise child." p.98

Is there a place for people like me, who don't want the "extra" stuff but want the feeling of belonging and spiritual peace?

Day 28 of All Good Things: Picked up a teacher resource book I ordered. Spent the day at the bookstore, enjoying a red tea latte, immersed in learning new tricks of the trade. Thank goodness for Friday.

Traveling...

with Pomegranates.

Ok - I've had my fill of Jen Lancaster books (for the time being - mainly because I don't have the remaining two, but that's beside the point).

I have rattan-type boxes on the bottom shelf of each of my bedside tables loaded with books that take precedence over my two large bookcases in the living room. I pulled out one of the boxes and retrieved the book, Traveling with Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd and her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor. (Did you read The Secret Life of Bees? FABULOUS book, FYI).

This book hits the relationship I have with my mom to a capital T. Sue starts out the book writing about her approaching 50th birthday (my mom is just a few years past that milestone), who looks at her grown daugther and reflects on her life and the relationship they share. Sue describes events in Ann's life about college graduation, how their relationship was once so close and now it's slightly strained because the entire truth isn't revealed, and their trip to Greece. I can't say that my mom and I are planning on going to Greece, but I've done a lot of what Ann has, as I'm sure my mom has with my moving away and my attempt at "finding who I am" as an adult and not just as her daughter.

I've only just begun reading this and can't put it down. A quote really hit me in regard to those dreaded ex-boyfriends in my life. To set the scene, Ann first recounts her past and then describes a new relationship and how different this is in from those in her past, but for the better:

"Maybe it was because I was far from home, far from my ordinary circumstances, and more or less alone for the first time in my life, feeling like I was on an awkward first date with myself. I'd known who I was with my ex-boyfriend. I'd invested years in the girlfriend role, in the ways of accommodation, being what I thought he wanted me to be, moon to his Jupiter, quietly organizing my psychological orbits around him...p25...Don't ever lose yourself again. And I was vigilant. If I wanted to browse a bookstore or walk the beach instead of watching his tennis match, I did. I realized that not losing myself wasn't only about how we spent time, though; it was about the way I valued myself within the relationship." p. 34

Although I'm not in a relationship at the moment (and I'm quite satisfied with how things are) I am slowing becoming more and more comfortable with doing what makes me happy. I don't plan on losing myself. In reading this novel thus far, I'm 100% content with knowing that doing what I love and then sharing myself in someone else's life is a gift - I'm not going to be a doting, accommodating girlfriend, wife, etc. We all need our own niche in life, and taking strolls alone to be able to come together to share something is what I'm looking for.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the novel brings out of me.........

Day 27 of All Good Things: Coming home after a writing workshop to a clean apartment with a notice of a book delivery in my mailbox.

P.S. Operation weight loss (OWL) is going great! Each day I've completed 25 minutes on the elliptical machine, which claims that I burned 380 calories with 1150 steps (roughly). Although a little skeptical, my heartrate is high and I sweat like a pig, so it's all good. Haven't weighed myself, but my clothes are fitting differently. Work in progress!

Day 4

My favorite books:

I have a very difficult time choosing my favorite book because I am an English teacher by day. If I had to pick one adult novel and one adolescent novel (appropriate for middle schoolers), I'd pick The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein and The Giver by Lois Lowry.

I particularly liked The Art of Racing in the Rain because it depicted a real story through the eyes of a dog, Enzo, and his owner, a race car driver. The dog is the narrator, a philosopher of sorts, who learns everything he knows about life through watching races on TV.

The Giver is one of my favorite novels for young adults because it gives an insight into a perfect world, or utopia.{correction, dystopian world} One activity I complete with my students is forming our own utopian world to show them just how hard governing a community/world may be. This novel is about a boy, Jonas, and his journey becoming the Giver, yet challenging the norms of his society to do what is right.

I'd like to open this up and ask any of you to volunteer to share your favorite book? I've read many and always look for more...

Day 25 of All Good Things: An opportunity arose to tutor during the fall for underprivileged children. I am thankful for this chance to help others.

Day 2 and 3

So I've been slacking a little... this summer vacation gig is really making me a lazy person. If you don't consider the amount of books I've read and dog walks I've been on.


Day 2 and 3:
Favorite movie is simple. Given that my favorite song is "Over the Rainbow" from Wizard of Oz, my favorite movie is the same. I've not only seen the movie numerous times, I've participated in a sing-a-long where I received my own wand, bubbles, and red sparkles, but I've seen the broadway show, and  Wicked. There isn't anything I don't like about that movie.

Favorite TV program is a hard choice. I'm not one to watch a ton of TV (at least not during the school year). But, during peak times, I'll watch General Hospital almost daily and I have to watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette when it's on. I'm a glutton for hospitals and reality TV when it comes to finding love. (I've even secretly considered going on the show, but once I printed out the application, I shredded it before filling it out).

Day ___ of All Good Things: Forgetting about the days and spending a lot of time relaxing and contemplating life choices has been great. Can't complain that I don't have to work tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that...

I Am A Chicken

Literally, and figuratively.

It's now after 10 am, when the freelance writing meeting started. Yet, I purposely shut off my alarms (yes, more than 3) and kept sleeping until 9am. I finished a book, ate a waffle, and took dogface for a walk.

I chickened out.

All of my reasons don't really work - I don't like people reading what I write, which is semi-perfect in a blog because I only know those who are following (kinda) and can look around the country/world to see areas where other people are reading. I don't have to open anything up to criticism, which is what took my previous post of saying "yes, I'm going" to today's where I flat out squawked like a chicken and laid my eggs at home.

Busy Busy

The past few days have been a whirlwind - a workshop with two great literacy authors/experts and yesterday full of reading and running errands bring me to this morning, where I feel awful and lethargic. Many symptoms from prior to my surgery are resurfacing, which frightens me. I'm hopeful it's just that time  and not something as serious as it was back in November. I'm crossing my fingers.


In other news:
I'm going to attend the freelance writing group on Saturday. I'm VERY apprehensive about going because they request you bring a piece for critiquing. Well, I don't have anything to critique and don't want to rush on finishing something, just for the sake of finishing something.


I'm not going home because I can't afford it. Stupid money. Luckily this won't be the case next summer when I'm not working. I've also asked around for various tutoring positions and it looks promising. Only downer is that it won't start until school starts (nothing like a tutoring company, like Sylvan or Huntington).


Dogface's condition is improving. The antibiotics seem to be doing their job and getting rid of the staph. I keep finding chunks of hair and skin around his crate (I know, TMI), but losing that means he's healing. His ear infection is also going away, although squirting the meds in his ear is a large challenge. He's very strong for his 37 pounds.

Picked up a great book and finished it pretty quickly - now I'm on to the second. They are both by Jen Lancaster. She's a memoirist and writes in such a way that makes me laugh out loud when reading. I can see the situations she writes about happening in my head, but can also see various life events I've gone through that are similar. Either way, she's raunchy, real, and hilarious. Love it. Bitter is the New Black is first, and Bright Lights, Big Ass, is the second.

Day 21 of All Good Things: Finishing up a workshop with great people and presentations. Learned some new ideas I can incorporate into my classroom this fall.

Day 22 of All Good Things: I was able to turn in my paperwork (albeit a month late) for payroll to pay me during the summer months. It sure helps to "kill with kindness"!

Day 23 of All Good Things: Hung out at B&N, met up on a fluke with some teacher friends, went out to eat and received lunch for FREE (took forever to make salads), and came home after a mani/pedi to a happy dog.

Inspire One Another

Just curious to know what brings people to view my blog? Is it because I'm honest about life and what I'm learning and the journey I'm on? Is it because of my writing? Is it because you relate with how crazy, semi-simplistic yet complicated life pans out? Similar situations? A love for the city of love? I'm curious as my ticker of visitors nears 100... Come out and tell me who you are - or at least one thing I can learn from you that is worth teaching to someone else.

We can all inspire each other, right?

Learn Something New Every Day.

Have you ever stopped dating someone and felt a draw back to them even years later?

{Not talking about dating them again - can you spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r?} 

I ask because today I felt very refreshed while looking at pictures on facebook of a recent wedding. I felt this way because I am not involved in the drama or in the friendships of aforementioned people I thought I was friends with. Sure, when you break up with someone, usually their friends aren't your friends anymore - but this wasn't like that....at least not at first. Yes, the people in the pictures are special, but they aren't special to me. I'm sure some of you are thinking that's so selfish to think that way, but in all honesty, I am the only person looking out for me. For the past few years I keep thinking {and sometimes expressing} that I feel a sense of loss and want to see my ex and play the "what if" game. Maybe this is why I haven't dated anyone longer than a year while living here in FL. Maybe this is why I haven't been 100% confident in my decisions with dating and in having a high self-esteem. What made that guy so special that I have to know what's going on with him? I DON'T. I have more of a sense of peace because I am in a new place. I am not going to let the power of one person in my past change or skew who I am now.  I am in a new place and  have a sense of satisfaction and reward with my job. I can't really put a finger on why seeing those pictures made me feel refreshed - maybe clarity, or renewed is the word I'm looking for?

Day 20 of All Good Things: Spending a day in a teacher workshop where I learned something I didn't know. Every day we should learn something new.

Day 1

My favorite song:

Over the years, I've come across many songs I love, but my favorite song is "Over the Rainbow" from the Wizard of Oz movie. I used to sing the song {secretly} aloud, wishing I was Judy Garland in her beautiful gingham dress and pigtails, traveling the "world" and flying off in great balloons. Well, at least I have the hair.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow.

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

Day 19 of All Good Things: Spending the day shopping with my favorite Northern-turned-Southern teacher friend. And quite possibly some relaxing by the pool/sun time.

30 Days of Me

I've seen through various blogs that people partake in these 30 day challenges and it caught my interest. What I'll most likely do is not bore all of you with 30 straight days all about me, so it'll be spread out amongst other posts I deem necessary to write.

Here’s the list of what I’ll be sharing for the next 30 days.

Day 01 – your favorite song

Day 02 – your favorite movie

Day 03 – your favorite television program

Day 04 – your favorite book

Day 05 – your favorite quote

Day 06 – whatever tickles your fancy

Day 07 – a photo that makes you happy

Day 08 – a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 09 – a photo you took

Day 10 – a photo of you taken over ten years ago

Day 11 – a photo of you taken recently

Day 12 – whatever tickles your fancy

Day 13 – a fictional book

Day 14 – a non-fictional book

Day 15 – a fanfic WHAT IS THIS?

Day 16 – a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 – an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

Day 18 – whatever tickles your fancy

Day 19 – a talent of yours

Day 20 – a hobby of yours

Day 21 – a recipe

Day 22 – a website

Day 23 – a YouTube video

Day 24 – whatever tickles your fancy

Day 25 – your day, in great detail

Day 26 – your week, in great detail

Day 27 – this month, in great detail

Day 28 – this year, in great detail

Day 29 – hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — whatever tickles your fancy

I may skip a few dates, but I'm up for the challenge!

Day 18 of All Good Things: Finding the cutest outfit ON SALE. I've been eyeing it for a while and waited to buy it... small things, people, small things! SUCCESS! Sadly, the entire outfit wasn't available, but I did save over 50% on my entire purchase! Can't beat that.