I feel very reflective tonight, and I'm not sure why - I just know that ending the month of November brings us to December, and yet another year has passed.
Maybe that's why - I'll be another year older in January. Another year closer to 30. Gack.
I've been questioning a lot lately in regard to my happiness. I really don't have much wrong in my life (aside from the fact that I suck at money managing, but I work on it and I am slowly getting better). I have a wonderful set of supportive WE friends - I have a great family, with a mom who sends care boxes each month and grandparents who send written notes (LOVE that they don't use email) - and I have a job I adore on most days.
I just feel like something is missing.
I've been doing what people say in regard to "waiting for Mr. Right" and not actively looking for someone. It's not easy to just sit back and hope someone will find me - in fact, it's just plain odd. I don't and won't go out alone - the friends I do go out with are not straight or are married - and I'm not going to pay for a dating site because of my lack of money managing. I get talked to at the avacado's in the supermarket about how to pick the right avocado - I got whistled at in the parking lot going to my car yesterday - and a group of cute guys say hello this morning at my favorite coffee shop. What did I do? Ignored them completely because I thought they were psychotic wierdos... although I did talk to the avocado guy for a minute because I was in a very public and busy place and didn't want to seem super duper rude.
Where and when am I supposed to figure things out? I start tutoring this week for a couple hours after school, and I got the job teaching entry level classes at a local college. I have a dog who sits at my feet or snores while he's sleeping in the crook of my arm and follows me everywhere. I have an upcoming trip to Paris and London to look forward to. I have a year ending and a new beginning, but it seems that just last year I was saying a lot of this same crap to myself. I'm not asking for a rush of life events - I'm asking for an answer to when I'll finally feel satisfied in knowing my life is full and not missing something...
Until then - back to writing my novel for NaNoWriMo, in hopes I'll be to 5,000 words by month's end (although nowhere near their 50,000 goal).
