Spirituality

Another quote from Traveling with Pomegranates:

"It's been easy to admit to myself recently that I need some new aspect within my spirituality, one that could take me into the next phase of my life. Uncovering this need has been like finding an empty room in the center of my house, one I didn't know was there, one I couldn't pass without feeling its vacuity and wondering how it should be filled." p. 47-8

I struggle with the idea of being spiritual and attending church. Growing up, my parents didn't force us (my brothers and I) to go to church for anything, unless it was a family wedding, baptism, etc. In fact, I was the only child to be baptized in my immediate family. I haven't ever asked my parents why my brothers weren't baptized, but I do wonder.

I am all for believing in a higher power. I believe prayer works. I also believe having the inner peace this spiritual feeling has is immense and joyous. I'm just not sure that church is the perfect* way to be a spiritual person. Hence, why I struggle.

*perfect is a term relative to my current life circumstances. I understand that not everyone feels or believes this, which is their right.

I went through the RCIA process a few years ago because I truly thought I'd marry R. The journey through RCIA is not something I'll forget, nor the people I met along the journey. I enjoyed the contemporary service geared toward the college students and the sense of purpose I felt in going to church each week (sometimes more than once a week). I've only been in a church a handful of times in the past few years, only for weddings. I'm not sure I really understand why I haven't been. It's certainly not because there aren't churches near where I live. I think it may have a sense of not feeling as though I belong. Realistically, I know that entering a church once doesn't mean I belong there, or that not entering and just showing up the first time means I'm a member, etc. I really think that I want to have the spirituality part of believing in higher powers, prayer, and some aspects of religion, I just don't want what I see as "extra" stuff. I don't sit and read the bible and meditate on passages or sing hymns and I don't know that I'd be 100% comfortable in a bible study. Maybe, I need to just suck it up and go so I can get off my half-horse and determine what it is that I feel I'm missing.

"Sending prayers into the universe. Are they heard? Can they change anything? Are our supplications a form of magical thinking? I don't know the answers...I wish to shape my needs into specific, well-considered words and offer them to my own particular image of the Loving Mystery, believing like a wise child." p.98

Is there a place for people like me, who don't want the "extra" stuff but want the feeling of belonging and spiritual peace?

Day 28 of All Good Things: Picked up a teacher resource book I ordered. Spent the day at the bookstore, enjoying a red tea latte, immersed in learning new tricks of the trade. Thank goodness for Friday.